Don't be an asshole

When was the last time you stopped and checked yourself? Really sat and asked, "Am I being an asshole?"

If you haven't, then you're probably an asshole.

Yesterday I was at the Multicultural Advertising Internship Program (MAIP) end of summer extravaganza and career fair and someone asked me for advice. All I said was "Don't be an asshole." Take that with you everywhere and anywhere you go and you'll be alright.

I have personal beef with assholes. I feel like work/clients/budgets/timelines/projects/life are difficult enough already, I don't need the additional stress of someone being a total jerktard on top of everything else. Thanks but no thanks.

How to be an asshole:

Let your ego run free.

Never accept feedback/criticism.

Do it your way, or don't do it at all.

Speak louder. And for longer.

If they don't like it, do it anyway.

File a formal complaint. Go above people's heads if you have to.

Break the rules.

Show everyone that you're smarter/better/prettier.

Feel free to whine, bitch, complain, huff and puff.

Be creative with the truth. Embellish and exaggerate where necessary.

See how other people can help you. Whether or not they know it. Whether or not they want to.

Create drama.

Promote yourself. Shamelessly and incessantly.

Break promises. Miss deadlines.

Don't make a decision if you don't have to. Wait until you see what your CD likes best, they get on that train.

Follow your mood. If you don't feel like it, don't do it.

Get there when you get there. Make people wait for you when you can.

Tell it like you see it.

Keep score. Make sure everyone knows what you did, how late you stayed and how much you put in to each project.

Socialise a lot. Flirt a little even. Gossip when you can.

Convince people that you're right.

Surf the Internet. Do your personal projects. Skype. Facebook. Tweet. Send emails. Play your music extra loud.

Share your story. Specifically, your side of the story.

Defend yourself. Incessantly.

Throw people under the bus.

Keep an eye on everyone else. Are they busy? Are they meeting their deadlines? Is their work any good?

Jump right in. To any conversations, project, meal.

"Borrow" people's ideas.

Make sure everyone knows what you know. And how much you know. And how little they know in comparison to how much you know.

Always look out for Number One. 

Be generous with your opinions.

Ignore other people.

Don't trust anyone.

Be a winner. Always.

Be lazy.

Don't take anything seriously.


If you don't want to be an asshole, do the opposite of everything listed here. 
It's that easy!